do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
