We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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