Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
