drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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