The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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