i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
