I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
