Acid is not a monday night drug
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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