So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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