i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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