So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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