Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
