hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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