my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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