There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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