Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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