I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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