i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
