dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
