I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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