I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
