college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
