I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
