I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
