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• (845): View more from New York

  I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week

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• (801): View more from Utah

  If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb

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