Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
