so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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