I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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