escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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