I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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