i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
