i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
