Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
