I didn't shave. On purpose
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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