I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish I could teleport
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
