He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
