O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
