ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
