Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
