He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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