Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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