Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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