tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
