i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
