It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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