I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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