im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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