i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so let's talk penis.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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