I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
