i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
