I want to walk on stilts...naked
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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