I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
