i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
